Written by: Barbara Ann Hall Sadie Elizabeth’s laughter filled my heart with joy; the little girl who entered my life one beautiful September’s day. Her eyes sparkled with life and it was quite obvious that she was filled with the spirit of her Father. She was indeed the expressed image of His love in all its’ glory! As I sat watching her play, I wished deep down inside that I was young and fresh and new again, knowing the love of God, as I do now. But I knew I could not turn back the hands of time. For a moment, I felt sorry for myself, for all I had missed out on and all I had forever lost. However, that moment of self pity quickly passed as Sadie’s laughter once again tickled my ears. She ran over to me and gave me a big hug, “I love you Aunt Barbara!” she exclaimed in her angelic little voice. “I love you too Sadie Elizabeth!” I told her as I brushed the little curls back off her forehead. She popped up on my lap and asked me to sing her a song. “Sing me the song about how much God loves meee, Aunt Barbara!” Sadie asked in her own sing-songy little way as she twirled my hair around her chubby little fingers. Although she had probably heard the amature little song I wrote for her the day she was born about a million and one times over the past three years of her life, she never tired of it. “Jesus loves Sadie la la la la la..."   Sadie’s eyes glistened like snow-flakes on Christmas Eve, “Sing it again! Pleeease, Aunt Barbara! Sing it again!” Of course, I did sing it again, and again, and again, before tucking her into bed that evening. “Now tell me Sadie, who loves you?” I asked her after we were done saying our prayers. “Jesus loves meee!” she sang happily “Good girl!” I told her as I kissed her smiling little cheeks goodnight before she quickly drifted off to sleep. As I sat on the edge of her bed watching her rest peacefully, I thanked God for her. I was thankful that out of all the people He had put in my path over the years, He chose Sadie Elizabeth as my predestined mission. God promised me long before she was born that He would send me a child to nurture in His love. A child who otherwise would never know her great worth in Him, a knowledge that would blossom from a little seed planted deep within her heart from childhood. I did not know what God had planned for Sadie, but I was certain that it was something special, something grand and full of glory! I did all I could to assure her that she was loved and valued, not only by her family, but also by her Heavenly Father. I prayed that she would never have to experience the mixed emotions that I struggled with at times in my life; feeling little to no worth, as a woman, within the will of God. But despite those emotional set backs, God’s will prevailed, because He successfully rescued me out of that bondage by cutting the chains of manmade limitations and misunderstood scripture. “Father, please bless Sadie according to your will and keep her forever safe and nurtured in the palm of your hand. As she grows I pray that she grows in faith, and wisdom and all understanding in you and that above all else, she loves the truth of your Word. I pray that there is not one day in her precious life that she does not bask in the warmth of your love. I know you hold something very special for her Father, and for that I am deeply grateful. I pray also for her mom and dad. That you bless and nurture them and guide them, in all your will and as parents. I ask this believing in you and I lift up all praise and Glory in your precious name; Jesus!” Not wanting to leave Sadie’s bedside, in case she awoke, I eventually dozed off in her special teddy bear chair, as she called it, that sat in the corner of her room and held three little bears, which at that moment sat upon my lap. Despite the fact that I was cramped and slightly uncomfortable, I experienced that night what I call my unimaginable gift from God! As I slept there in that tiny little chair in Sadie’s little pink room, God choose to bless me far beyond anything I could have ever thought to ask of Him! By painting images upon my soul, as if it were a blank canvas, He showed me what life would be if I had never come to know Him! First He painted the canvas a bright yellow, providing me with a sense of warmth and security. Then He added a rainbow of colors; reds, oranges, various shades of yellows, greens, blues, and purples! That magnificent rainbow filled me with contentment and happiness, as it’s every color burned bright within me! It was breathtakingly beautiful! God then added strokes of white throughout the rainbow, and I was made to know that they symbolized all the people that He put in my path along our journeys together; for my hands as His own, to reach them. They were the completion of His painting, as if the completion of my own soul. He allowed me to remain there, basking in His love, for several moments. I drank it in, absorbing every color deep down within my soul, which brought me an overwhelming sense of freedom and life! As I stood there overwhelmed by the experience, God put his hand gently upon my shoulder, bringing me out of the trance like state I was in. When I was once again aware of my surroundings, darkness began to cover the rainbow, as if dusk had fallen, casting an eerie shadow upon its once radiant colors, quickly turning them a dismal gray, and causing me to feel overwhelmingly sad, lonely and utterly helpless.  I wanted to reach for God, but I could no longer feel Him. Then I tried reaching for the people I had once helped for the glory of His name, anyone, but my every attempt failed, as if each was erased from the picture upon the touch of my hand. Then, in a moment’s time, complete darkness fell around me, the last strokes upon the canvas being of pitch black, blotting out that once radiant rainbow and smothering my every emotion. I felt evil surround me; the complete absence of God from my life. As I sat there lost in utter darkness, I could not understand why anyone would deny the Lord and choose instead this dreadful existence of lonely, helpless isolation. I bowed my head and prayed for all the lost souls who knew Him not. All the souls who where blind to His brilliant light and radiant colors that could so easily take the place of dismal grays and the pitch black that colored their souls. Too, I prayed for myself and I cried out, “LORD! PLEASE! DON’T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE! He didn’t answer me. My body trembled as I thought of what my life would be without Him. My loneliness intensified. Is this what people feel who do not know the love of our Father? I crumbled to the floor and wept for them; wept for myself. “LORD! I cried out again, “I CAN’T LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU!” I felt warmth upon my shoulders and when I lifted my head Jesus stood before me in all His glory and said full of compassion, yet surprisingly simply, as he outstretched His hand for me, “Then live it with me Barbara.” When I reached my hand towards His, joy instantly filled my heart, my spirit and my soul! What an honor for God to grant me the privilege to live my life for Him… with Him! A privilege He grants us all. Who are we that the Lord should be mindful of us? Yet He is! I awoke with the morning sunlight shining in my eyes through Sadie’s bedroom window. When my eyes adjusted to the brightness, I couldn’t believe what I saw! A magnificent rainbow of radiant colors stretching from far beyond the horizon to the very pillow that Sadie’s little curly head rested upon! I fell to my knees in awe, my heart full of gratefulness and love for my Heavenly Father! “AUNT BARBARA LOOK… LOOK! GOD USED MY CRAYONS TO COLOR MY ROOM!” Sadie exclaimed as she opened her beautiful little eyes. I couldn’t help but laugh aloud when I saw her crayons scattered on the floor right where I had knelt! “Yes Sadie, He most certainly did! He colored that rainbow just for you as a special gift of His love!” At that moment I realized it! That was God’s special seed planted deep inside Sadie’s heart! A moment in her early childhood that she would remember her whole life through to remind her of the Father’s love for her!  ALL RIGHT RESERVED COPYRIGHT 2008

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